5/7/2005

Dear Dennis,
I’m far too important to pass on your details to my mate The Senator Bob. He offered me the ten percent so it just wouldn’t be right would it? However I’m sure I’ll be able to fully equip (split infinitive) your shed as recompense for all you’ve done for me and my family in the past. I do, of course, blame you for everything.

Also I’ve received a summons to appear in the Royal Courts in the post this morning – apparently the Monarch wants a word in my ear about something or other. I expect she heard of my plumbing and bread making skills. They have made out the summons is from the CSA but I know better than to be fooled by that ruse. Apparently I missed some payments (nearly four grand worth) whilst I was employed at the factory (bit strange as money was taken each month without fail direct from my salary) I expect it is a mistake and someone in factory accounts just forgot to pass my money on to the appropriate account … If I were you, I wouldn’t get involved but it is interesting how the factory is still messing with my life. You’d think after this long I’d have shaken them off. All because of a silly email and my unlikely opiate addiction.

Why were your friends upstairs whilst you were Kooking? Is your downstairs telly broken? Or was it a midnight feast for a sleep-over?

As I said, I’m far too important and I have to go now
David