28/7/2005

Dear Sycophantic Toady,
We got cut off briefly but have now appealed to BT’s better nature and are connected again for a while. I am on afternoons this week which is nice as I get to serve a different set of grannies.

I am pleased to hear you have survived and from what you describe; your chum had a “good send-off”. I looked up the word Cathartic from your @mail – apparently a laxative. That’ll be the drink I expect. I recall the day we scattered our mum’s ashes. All were present including us kids, dad, aunts and uncles including grandchildren. It was explained that the urn contained mums ashes and with lid removed they were shown to the kids. The time came to each scatter some – we (adults) all thought we’d take the urn and shake it gently then pass it on – unfortunately this was not what was in the grand kids thoughts and they each quickly dipped in and took a handful then with an open mouthed audience, threw it in the air …………………once the cloud had settled and much coughing, brushing of clothes and hair, eye rubbing and spitting later, decorum was recovered. It just goes to show – you can’t trust kids to think like adults, not even at important times. I expect the funeral people see it all the time but I’d never seen it done like that, not even on the telly. Later, I noticed when Aunty G was back at dads, she bent to look closely at the sandwiches, a dusting of ash settled on the plate – I thought it best to not say anything at the time and just to politely say “no thank you” when any were offered in my direction. Everyone seemed to be examining particles in their sherry – I just said dad had gone through the cork when opening the bottle – it was of course screw-top cooking sherry but they all seemed happy enough after a couple of glugs. When I took my shoes off that night the cats were sneezing for about ten minutes. Its all forgotten now though … except that I’ve just written it down so it could conceivably reach my journal of ramblings from t’shed.

I had a P11D from the factory a couple of weeks ago (I had one last year as well) detailing what I’d spent on health care this year – well I thanked them of course and asked for my money to be returned as I don’t work there and certainly didn’t ask for health care and least of all from them. They just replied and said they had removed me from their records and asked me to destroy the offending P11D – of course I sent it straight to the tax office complaining that this factory was obviously operating some scam – well not really, I’ve still got it but it is tempting.

Well that’s it for now, I’m going to iron my money belt and practice shuffling in my old brown shoes.

Catch up soon. All the best to Carol
D